The Children of Expats: Identity, Belonging, and the Search for Home

Growing up as the child of expatriates can be a profoundly enriching yet deeply complex experience. It often means navigating multiple worlds at once; cultures, languages, traditions, and unspoken family expectations, whilst trying to form a stable sense of self and identity.

These experiences sit beneath the surface of everyday life, shaping identity in ways that are not always immediately visible. Children of expats often carry subtle, inherited conflicts:

• The desire to assimilate into a dominant culture versus the pull to maintain a heritage identity.

• The pride of being “international” alongside the quiet ache of never fully belonging anywhere.

• Feelings of displacement or “rootlessness” even while being told how “lucky” or “worldly” they are.

  
  

This can lead to what many describe as a floating identity — a sense of being everywhere and nowhere at once. Home becomes more of a feeling than a fixed place.

Assimilation and the Question of Belonging

Assimilation may bring social ease, but it can come at the cost of disconnection from one’s heritage. On the other hand, holding tightly to family traditions may intensify feelings of difference in peer groups. This tension can create inner conflict: Who am I really? Which parts of myself are allowed to be seen, and which must remain hidden?

Therapy as a Space for Integration

Therapy offers a unique container to explore these unspoken tensions. Within the therapeutic relationship, children of expats — whether in childhood, adolescence, or adulthood — can:

• Trace the unconscious threads of family history and migration.

• Give voice to feelings of loss, dislocation, or invisibility.

• Explore the push-and-pull between belonging and difference.

• Begin to integrate the many parts of themselves into a coherent identity.

At its core, psychodynamic therapy is about making the unconscious conscious. For the children of expats, this often means uncovering how experiences of mobility, cultural negotiation, and inherited family narratives have shaped their sense of self. With awareness comes the possibility of healing, integration, and creating a grounded inner home — even when outer homes have shifted.

If you recognise yourself in this reflection, therapy can be a space to explore these experiences with compassion and depth. Belonging is not only about place, it’s also about finding a sense of home within yourself.